In The Back Of My Mind

In the back of my mind there is a large room. That's how I like to think of it. In this room are remnants of a time and a place. The room is filled with faces, most of which belong to children. Smiling laughing children of all ages. There are a few adults in the room. A tall, thin mother with slightly crooked teeth, bright eyes, and a contagious smile. A short man who looks like a big American football player but has the personality of a teddy bear. An observant woman who watches and speaks in two languages. The room flashes with scenes from many places. Views of umbrellas lined up along the beach. Sidewalks where purple and yellow buses stop to drop off and pick up passengers. Crowded round-abouts with boisterous honking vehicles, yelling pedestrians, screeching motorcycles, and bicycle bells ringing strong. Views from the top of a mountain. A simple green curtain with a small wooden cross hanging in front of it.

This is my Albania room.

Locked securely in my mind, it echoes with words like, "Po!", "c'kemi," "mirupafshim" and phrases like, "naten e mire," "sa bukur," and "shihemi neser!" Even after almost a year, the sights and sounds enclosed in this room are vivid. At night, my dreams live in this room and transport me back to the places I miss and the people I love. Sometimes, I fall asleep with tears streaming down my cheeks because the pain of missing this place is so strong.

In the back of my mind, Albania is never far away. I think of it every day. Though the number of people who can relate to my experiences are few and far between, I steal moments from this place daily. It is hard to keep up with my friends--no, family, is a better word--there. Do I do a good job of this? No. Not as well as I should. Is it hard? Yes. How do you explain a life that they don't understand? How do you do this with words on a page that are simple yet descriptive enough, all while being properly articulate?

In the back of my mind is the desire to be there again. I want to see those places. I want to talk with those people. I want to laugh, to get upset, to be angry, to be confused, to be excited, to be educated again. I don't want to relive the experience I had because I know it can't, wouldn't, won't be the same. What I want is simply another experience. Another experience in the same place with some of the same people. Some would be absent this time around, but others would step into the picture. Can I have this? Will I have this? Who knows.

Instead of dwelling on the unknown, I will focus on what I know. What I know is what I experienced. So, to keep from forgetting, I will continue this blog as a place where I can record my memories. I will share my feelings now, from the opposite side of the fence. (The grass is always greener.....right? lol) So please, allow me to unlock the door and let you into the Albania room.